Another Blog Bites The Dust

I had to delete the marine blog :(

That brings the count of deleted blogs up to.....7.

Of course when one gets deleted I must write another to take its place . I figured a song was really the only way to go.

Another blog bites the dust
Another blog bites the dust
And another blog gone
And another blog gone
Another blog bites the dust
Hey, shes gonna get you too
Another blog bites the dust


How do you think I'm gonna get along without making me delete blogs
You took me for everything that I had and kicked my blog out on its own
Are you happy? Are you satisfied?
How long can you stand the heat?
Out of the doorway the bullets rip to the sound of the beat (Look out)
Another blog bites the dust
Another blog bites the dust
And another blog gone
And another blog gone
Another blog bites the dust
Hey, she's gonna get you too
Another blog bites the dust



The more blogs dictator makes me delete, the more songs I will post!

I should've stayed home

Why?

1. Rhonda's not here
2. Kelly's not here (Oh don't worry, I'll be there by 3rd period...or uh well maybe not)
3. It's Monday
4. It's hot in this room
5. Val is sitting next to me
6. Period 2 dictator just admitted her love for U2
7. Val is talking
8. Dictator and Val are talking to each other and annoying me
9. I'm being forced to write blogs
0. Jewel is blasting through the stereo

I think all 10 of those reasons are enough for me to have stayed home today.

Wait, I've just thought of a few more:

11. There has been no sighting of my Uncle Gary today
12. I haven't seen any swinging hips today

I am used to seeing both of these early in the morning, and today, I saw neither.

13. Kristin told a kmart story that I was forced to listen to
14. Val is now talking to me
15. Helen burnt my toast today
16. There is now a song playing with the lyrics "Where have all the cowboys gone?"
17. Dictator is talking about tennis balls
18. Toby Keith's next album has been pushed back until June
19. I keep looking at Val's computer screen which is filled with Hank Jr pictures
20. God hates me

Tara-Rist

My tears won't stop falling. My heart won't start breaking. My mouth won't stop singing Proud to be an American. My vision of America won't stop crumbling.

All because American made chocolate is being produced for foreign countries. Recently, a pushy teacher of mine tried to force a piece of this terroristic chocolate down my throat. She simply did not understand why I would refuse to eat it.

Unless it's made IN American FOR Americans, I won't touch it.

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of chocolate before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the candies
Talking bout the options and
talking bout sweet times
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end (of American chocolate)
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

he said I went down to Hershey
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper
and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were eating the last piece of American chocolate

Being Homeless Would Be Easier

I'm sick of filling out scholarships and financial aid papers.

I quit. I give up. I am going to live the rest of my life on the streets collecting money from people who feel bad for me.

I'm constantly frustrated with everything and everyone. They don't even do anything to me and I flip out on them, then I feel bad. I hide it in school fairly well, I believe.

I blame all of this on the college process. I have no patience to do everything it involves to prepare for college. I wish it could just go like this:

1. Apply
2. Get accepted.
3. Pay after you get the degree or forever be damned to hell.

Of course it isn't that simple.

What is simple, however, is dropping out of school, getting a playhouse, and living on the streets. But for now that's only plan B. We'll see how everything goes.

Old School vs New Skewl

On those rare days that I skip school (once every two-three months), and I'm not doing anything important through the day, I just stay home and watch all the old TV shows that play through the morning hours. My favorite one is Little House on the Prairie. It's not the greatest show in the entire world, but I find it interesing.

After Little House, I switch it over to Little Bear. Following that, I tune in to watch Franklin, and on some days I get lucky enough to catch Rugrats.

But as soon as nine o'clock hits, my morning is ruined. Nick then begins playing their new cartoon shows that I have never heard of or seen. These new shows aren't even entertaining. They make me hate my life. I get severely depressed and turn to the bottle....of Pepsi beside me to get me through the day.

It's reasons like this that I don't skip school. My great morning only lasts two hours, then it abruptly ends. Even though I know it is coming, I still can't help but shed a few tears. I often find myself pressing play on my CD player and listening to "I Love This Bar" float through my room. It's the only thing that makes my days off from school worth it.

The day always ends like this:

"Tara, your sure-footed horse needs a walk under the moonlit sky."

Ten Reasons To Love Toby Keith

It has recently been brought to my attention that all the love in the world is going to Lady Gaga. I can't get over this. I stay true to my roots and still worship the same person I did when I was five: Toby Keith. Toby is the epitome of an American hero. There are close to 6 million reasons to love him, but I managed to narrow it down to ten. He's so great that I sometimes confuse him with Jesus. The reasons are as followed:

1. He's patriotic

2. His cowboy hat

3. His song "I Love This Bar"

4. He brings me to tears when he sings "American Soldier"

5. His attitude towards the Iraq War

6. His treatment to our American heroes/soldiers

7. His love for patriotic songs

8. His jean jacket

9. His 12 million more records he sold than Tim McGraw

0. His 2001 American Music Awards performance

I Thought This Was America

I wasn't aware that the times have changed.

My rights as an American citizen have been violated. Last time I checked, I was able to get a drink of water whenever I pleased. Apparently that right has been taken away from me. I am severely parched and am unable to quench my thirst.

Everything around me is turning black. I believe I am on the brink of death and that a sip of water would help me. However, I'm not allowed to walk ten steps up the hall to the water fountain.

I would like to thank my second period teacher for denying me my American rights.

Though some people have lost what the United States is really about, I still have faith in my country. It's also why Toby Keith is my hero. He understands what this country is about.

American Girls and American Guys
We'll always stand up and salute
We'll always recognize
When we see Old Glory Flying
There's a lot of men dead
So we can sleep in peace at night
When we lay down our head

My daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard
Until the day that he died He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me
To grow up and live happy

In the land of the free.
Now this nation that I love Has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flyin' in
From somewhere in the back
Soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world
Like the 4th of July Hey Uncle

Sam Put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty Started shakin' her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, it's gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom
Start ringin' her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you Courtesy of the Red White and Blue

Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you'll be sorry that you messed with The U.S. of A.
'Cause we'll put a boot in your ass
It's the American way

Missed Senior Dinner Dance so I could Blog!

What better way to end the day than to make a list of things I have never done but would like to? Exactly, nothing.

1. Visit a Toys R' Us
2. Swim with a whale
3. Drive across Canada
4. See Eerie, PA
5. Learn to scuba dive
6. Walk into WalMart and walk out with nothing
7. Learn all the words to the Gettysburg Address
8. Watch all seasons of The Nanny in a row over a weekend.
9. Read and understand Oliver Twist
0. Accomplish it all by 30

Poe-Um!

Someone made a comment to me the other day about subtly. Then later that day I was sitting in class, bored, and started writing. This is what came out. I don't like it that much, but I needed a blog. Ha. It was either this or a poem about why I hate/despise/fear/loathe bunnies.

These subtle moves may be nothing,
Because the lies are forgetting
To keep the truths from being free,
But the truths walk so aimlessly
For no one is remembering.

Scared people face away, shying
From the light because its blinding
In the darkness of the alley.
These subtle moves…

Fear lives in their hearts, beckoning
With the comfort of darkening
Arms hiding the hurt from gloomy
Lives, there are so terribly many.
Afraid, no one is defying
These subtle moves....

I've Lost That Loving Feeling

Dear Glenn Beck,

On most nights I find myself being drawn to your show at 5 o'clock. I generally find myself agreeing with your libertarian perspectives and opinions.

However, creating a mockery of the Rocky series made me hate you. A lot.

Now I must find something else to occupy my time from 5-6 every night.

It used to go something like this:

1. Judge Judy 4-5
2. Glenn Beck 5-6
3. Reno 9/11 6-7

NOW MY SCHEDULE IS ALL OFF.

I HATE YOU GLENN BECK.

Love,
Tara.

The Whales Are Back In Town

Sightings on the almost extinct Right Whale were discovered off the shores of Cape Cod. I was so excited that I wrote a song about it! Enjoy!

Guess who just got back today?
Them almost extinct whales that had been away
Haven't changed, haven't much to say
But man, I still think them whales are crazy

People were asking if you were around
How you was, where you could be found
Told them you were living in the Pacific
Driving all the old fish crazy

The whales are back in town
The whales are back in town
I said
The whales are back in town
The whales are back in town
The whales are back in town
The whales are back in town
The whales are back in town
The whales are back in town

Hopefully The Plane Won't Crash

I just booked my flight to San Juan, rented a hotel for two weeks, finished the paper work on my rental car, got tickets to different museums, booked a sure-footed horse, and saved up three grand!

Senior Week here I come!

Not really.

Want Some Snail Mucus?

You better say no! There is an outbreak of snail mucus related diseases hitting Florida. It all started with a man named Charles. Charles is into practicing African rituals, and one of those rituals involves drinking snail mucus. YUMMY!

Well, all of Charles' dedicated followers are not trying to have him arrested. Apparently, the snail mucus is making people ill. They are losing weight and forming unusual lumps on their stomachs. How they differentiate usual bumps from unusual bumps is a mystery.

Charles brought these large snails to America the illegal way. The snails aren't allowed in the US without special permission because they are dangerous. Charles obviously built his own boat and sailed the seven seas to bring these snails to Florida. There is NO way he put those snails on an American plane and snuck them into the country.

Word just in: Charles brought the snails to Florida on an American Airlines flight.

I support Charles, and see no reason why he should be punished for his behavior. Some people like pizza and some people like snail mucus.

One Day

I will have Axl Rose's children.

And he will teach them how to do the snake dance while they sing.

Visuals Around My House

My bed

My shorts
Image on my cake every year

First baseball I hit a homerun with

My backyard

People Need to Step it Up

There are currently no good news worthy stories happening around the country. I almost lowered myself down to a level where I was going to check out world news.

WORLD NEWS!

I hate the world news therefore I never look at it. But today, my mouse was one click away from hitting that "world" button on cnn.com. I cannot believe this day has come. I look forward to one thing everyday: Looking at what our country's intelligent men and woman have done so that I can honor them by writing a blog.

So, I apologize to all of my millions of readers. But know this; I haven't let you down...

America has let you down.

Creativity Gets You Places...Like Jail

For instance, it got Juan Perez and Jorge Fernandez from Georgia to California with over ten thousand dollars worth of heroin in their car. They went through numerous police checks and were never busted. These creative men hid the heroin, crack, and marijuana in juice boxes.

I think it's great that our nation's drug sellers are coming up with new, inventive ideas. The old standard way of transporting drugs is so boring and outdated. Hiding them in juice boxes is a new, creative spin on things.

How were these creative men caught, you ask? When they hit their destination in Santa Barbara, California, they dropped two juice boxes on the ground and a "mysterious" white substance dribbled out of them. A woman standing nearby alerted the police and our creative drug carriers were promptly arrested and hauled to jail.

Now, it's time to talk about how they could have gotten away with their criminal acts!

The way I look at it, they were doing fine until they hit the great state of California. After that, everything went down hill. Here are steps these men could take next time to ensure they don't get caught:

1. Don't fill the juice boxes up to the very top with the crack. You never know when you are going to drop them. The less that is in them, the less of a chance that people will figure out what is in the box.

2. Use a child for distraction. No one gets suspicious if a child is carrying tons of juice boxes. But people raise their eyebrows when two grown men are walking around with juice boxes.

3. Empty out the juice boxes before you put in the drugs!

Oh yes, I went there. Juan and Jorge are threatening to bring a lawsuit against Nestle Juicy Juice because THE JUICE DISSOLVED THE COCAINE!

Enough said.

The Nine Rules of Life

1. Lock your doors at night, or don't complain when someone robs you.
2. Speed up at yellow lights to ensure everyones safety.
3. Only drink and drive on Tuesdays.
4. Show up to school on time or face the wrath of a sharp dressed man.
5. Don't write inappropiate blogs.
6. Never argue with your mother when she tells you you're best friend will be pregnant by 15.
7. If you're going to try and drink through your nose, make sure it's water and not a liquid that burns.
8. Don't live in a playhouse.
9. DON'T PROVOKE A BEAR WHEN DRUNK!

What caused this urgent message? SOMEONE PROVOKED A BEAR WHEN THEY WERE DRUNK.

I applaud them. They had the courage that not many people do. Granted, that courage was caused by high levels of alcohol, but that shouldn't matter.

Of course, the genius who provoked this bear at the Lincoln Park Zoo is now suing because she lost some fingers. Big deal.

Her case will continue to be pending until she is released from the drunk tank at the county jail? Or is Mifflin County the only place that has drunk tanks?

Hmm...I'll research it!

I hope we all learned a valuable lesson here.

My New Lover

Recently, I have discovered a new sense of joy in my life. For years I have been left with an empty void in my heart. I searched and searched for something to fill the void, to make me whole. I thought I would have to give up hope. No matter how good or bad things ever got, I was left with a strange desire for more. However, I could never figure out what this "more" feeling was...until today.

Today, I found the missing piece. I found the only thing that can make me feel complete in life. I found pancakes.

Pancakes are the sweet, delicious substitute to drugs for me. They are my perfect drug. Sure, I've had my share of pancakes in the past. Never have I ever experienced pancakes like the ones I had this morning. I could write a book.

Summary: Today, I had the best pancakes ever. My life is now complete.

Random Poetry = My Fave!

So, as I pondered what to write about in this post, I came up with nothing. Since I didn't want to let down my loyal readers and followers who all have a shrine dedicated to me, I decided to share some poetry! This talent will consume you with jealousy. Beware!

On Monday you stitched the broken bones
The shadowed fear that Karma chose
Monopolize these crimson waves
The doll on the shelf; it's child's play

Starlight crawls through the rips in the blinds
Dixie-cup ridden stairs lead to violet sky
On Tuesday I traced your sun-faded scars
Spit your shadows; night's fury and charm

It's Wednesday when you sang to the stars
On Thursday we seemed a mile apart
Crescent moons sprinkle the heart of your hips
Laugh at God: the lightening missed

You drown standing up, you stumble with grace
The Vanity spilled onto Modesty's lace
Sharpen regret and leave hope's letter
On Friday, I took it (but the guilt tasted better)

You took the train to the end of the ocean
Sent a get-well-card to that "destiny" notion
Sold your soul to the heavens 'cause the devil don't want it
Stole your heart from the devil 'cause the heavens don't got it

Saturday found a shattered bottle of whiskey
And you told the bullet you wished it would kiss me
Your electrical heart beat better pray to the sun
Too bad you choked on the barrel of the gun

Sunday never came.

So, I'm thinking to just post random poetry once a week. It's my favorite thing to do in my free time, like through the hours of 8am-3:10pm Mon-Fri.

Hey, I'm 72 and a New Mother!

Yeah, you read that right. A 72 year old woman gave birth for the first time last week in Florida to a baby boy.

To make you giggle even more, the daddy is only THIRTY THREE!

WHY IS A THIRTY THREE YEAR OLD WITH A SEVENTY TWO YEAR OLD?

I support them.

I hope they have a long, happy, healty, life together. They no doubt, will.

But, with all good things comes some negative nancies.

There is an ongoing debate about whether women over 45 should be allowed to have children. Some people think that once you turn 45, if you haven't already, you should be forced to get your tubes cut and tied.

If this ever happens, I don't know what I am going to go.

I WANTED MY FIRST KID WHEN I'M 46!

If this were to perhaps become a law, I'm going to be forced to give up my life and dreams to care for a crying nuisance. I can't possibly be ready to be a mother before I am 46.

My plan was: Kid at 46, twins at 50, another kid at 57, and triplets at 62.

So, Supreme Court, my vote is NO!

Where Are the Sharks?

Reports are in and shark attacks are down for the second year in a row. 37 % to be exact. Now, there is no doubt this is a good thing. Human lives are being spared and they get to live to see another day. But one question remains: What is going on with the sharks? Where did they go?

Like any other time, I have my own theory!

I think the sharks and the whales formed an alliance. It makes sense if you think about it. Sharks always carry a bad rap about being mean and violent, while whales are depicted as being cute and cuddly. When was the last time you heard someone say "Man, I'd love to go in there and play with some sharks?" But you always hear "Man, I'd love to go in there and play with some whales."

So, the sharks got sick of this. They wanted to be viewed as cute and cuddly, too. There was only one thing to do.

Make nice with the whales, who catch over 40,000 pounds of food per day. Surely they can share some with the sharks.

Lets do the math on this.

1 whale eats 40,000 pounds of food a day. One shark eats 6-10 thousand pounds of food per day. There are approximately 500,000 whales swimming the oceans, and approximately 150,000 sharks.

Therefore, Whales eat over two hundred million pounds of food a day, while sharks only eat approximately one million pounds of food per day. If each whale gave up two thousand pounds of food each day, the sharks would have more than enough to eat.

So, I believe the sharks made up with the whales so that their bad reputation will go away.

Maybe one day people will say "Man, I'd love to go in there and play with some whales OR sharks."

*Note* All estimations were based on my limited education!

My movies > Your movies

I just can't tell you how many times I have been asked "Hey, what are your top ten favortie movies?" After answering this question enough times to make me want to blow my beautiful brains out, I decided to make a top ten list. But I guess it's not an actual top ten list because the movies don't go in order from favorite to least favorite. But who really cares? All that matters is that my top ten list is going to be better than Rhonda's. Of course hers has pictures, but I like to let mine up to the imagination.

Here we go...

1. Rocky- I love the entire series. There is something about Stallone that draws me to those movies. Rocky 3 will always be my favorite movie.

2. Grease- I got chills, they're multiplying, and I'm losing control, cause the power, you're supplying, it's electrifyin!

3. Lion King- I have been known to be reduced to tears when Mufasa dies, but that is just a rumor. This is the BEST Disney movie ever made.

4. Green Mile- Tom Hanks is great in any movie, but this is one of my favorites.

5. Stand By Me- There is no specific reason for this one. I just El Oh Vee EE it.

6. Forrest Gump- Though I prefer Tom Hanks in Green Mile, this is my favorite Tom Hanks movie of all time, narrowly beating out Apollow 13.

7. Breakfast Club- The first time I saw this movie I was eleven. I didn't like it at all. I didn't watch it again until I was fifteen. Then it was instant love. Except for Molly Ringwald who I wish would drop off the face of planet.

8. Toy Story- I hated Buzz. I loved Woody. Now it' the other way around. The concept of the movie is genius.

9. Edward Scissorhands- I have to thank my bff Kelly who let me borrow this movie off of her. I didn't think I would like it but oh how wrong I was.

0. Silence of the Lambs- There is something about a brilliant, cunning, psychotic, ruthless killer that I love!

Random Post is... Random

I was reading Rhonda's blog, Letter to Maine, which got me thinking. What is that ties a person to one location? Family? Friends? Familiarity? I just don't understand why someone would want to stay in the same place all their life. There would be nothing new to see or experience. I wouldn't want to walk down the street and see the same people at 30 that I did at 18.

Nothing will ever chage where you grew up. "Home" will always have special meaning, but I don't think thas reason enough to stay in one place forever.

I like Mifflin County. I wouldn't mind living in Mifflin County after college. But before I do that, I'd want to live somewhere else for at least three years. Maybe after the first month I'd miss MiffCo so much I'd instantly move back, but I guess that's something I won't know until I try it.

K, well, just thought I'd share my opinion! I'm off now!

You're Never Too Young

To direct planes.

JFK Airport is currently under scrutiny because a child was allegedly directing traffic at the airport. Of course the media is having a field day with this while the passengers on those flights are having a hard time believing a young child was able to direct traffic.

As bizarre as it seems, there is evidence to support this claim. There are three audio videos of the child giving his directions while the command center sat there and left him do it. The airport could possibly be sued by everyone who went through their airport that day.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with what happened. The child loves planes and wanted to direct traffic for a while. Who cares if he is only nine years old? We all have to start somewhere. He obviously knew what he was doing considering there was no accidents. Give the little guy some credit. It's not like he is secretly working for Al Qaeda.

But even if he was, this kid deserves some props for all that he has accomplished. I just wish I would have started my career as a runway model when I was five, instead of ten. Who knows where my career would be if I started out as early as this kid did.

Point is, the air traffic control people at JFK need to be fired, and this kid needs to be hired.

A Round of Applause goes to....

Chile- I applaud you for having building structures strong enough to endure an 8.8 Earthquake. Haiti, are you taking notes?

Philly Jewel Thieves- Nothing warms my heart more than reading about a couple who rob a jewelry store blind, then leave their child behind. Their should be a holiday in their honor.


Man who ate his lottery ticket- What would you do if you won 15,000 dollars while on a flight? Eat the ticket, of course! I applaud this man for making his point! He wanted his money on the plane, and he didn't get it. He showed them!

SeaWorld- I figured you'd kill the whale who killed that trainer and then I'd have to send you hate mail.

It took me over an hour to find four things to applaud. That's sad.